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Fast gas

Submitted by Staff Sgt. Ryan K. Hampton

While in Al Hillah we executed a variety of security missions. There is one particular security mission that stands out among the rest. It was a mission to maintain good order and discipline at one of the local gas stations a few kilometers away from our position.

Now the sale of black market gas was taking a toll on the local population and word was passed to keep an eye out for such activity. A crackdown on jerry cans and other containers began and fuel was supposed to be for vehicles only.

This had been going on all morning and into the afternoon when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Doc and Cpl. Ferrell were chasing after three Iraqi teenagers and their bounty of illegal gas. I decided to join in the chase and began closing on them from their flank. I must say that we all were moving pretty fast considering we were in full combat gear and the Iraqis wore their sandals and were carrying the jugs.

Now picture this: three Iraqis running on line, five-gallon jugs in each hand, all running at full speed and looking over their shoulders in horror as we rapidly gain ground.

To their direct front is a horseshoe-shaped fence and a small utility building.

Remember I said they were running at full speed?

Well one made it free and clear; one ran straight into the fence, and the other hit the wall. They laid themselves out cold.

Later on that evening, an elderly man came up to us with a kid, the one who hit the wall, and asked us why we chased the boy. I explained about the black market gas and the prior warnings. Then the old man says that his son is blind and he possibly couldn't have been acquiring gas, let alone running from us. All I could say to the old man was, "Well that's the fastest blind thief I've ever seen."

Get the Captain

Submitted by Sgt. Jimmy Song

Marines with the 31st Marine Expeditionary Unit were sent to embark on USS Essex as an advance party. A captain arrived a few days later to set up her admin shop. Soon after, our master sergeant held an afternoon formation on the flight deck to pass the gouge. Most of the Marines had a hard time understanding him because he had a heavy accent and talked really fast. The master sergeant noticed that the captain was not around for the formation and pointed toward the control tower and ordered a lance corporal, one who had a hard time comprehending things, to go get the captain.

The lance corporal left, and five minutes later arrived on the walkway above the flight deck with the captain and executive officer of the ship.

The ship's captain yelled, "Hey master sergeant, you want me in your formation?"

At that moment, everyone turned and looked up, soon realizing whom the lance corporal had retrieved. After a salute to the captain, the master sergeant chewed out the lance corporal, indicating that he wanted the Marine captain, not the captain of the ship.

Everyone, except the lance corporal, chuckled.

Sandstorm Porta-johns

Submitted by Cpl. Vue X. Phang

It was a quiet night in Iraq, maybe a little too quiet. Pfc. Andrew decided to make a visit to the head, not knowing that a huge sand storm was about to engulf the camp. A few minutes went by; the porta-johns began to shake. The wind picked up and the whole line of stalls fell forward. It was a mess. And with every one of them tied together Pfc. Andrew couldn't push himself out.

Then it hit him what he would have to do to get out. He reached down and pulled out his trustee Gerber and flashlight, cut a two by two foot hole and low crawled through the hole. Covered from head to toe with blue water (and everything that comes with it), he shamefully walked through the sand storm back to the hooches to take a good long shower.